This time I win

Anyone seen the movie Rocky Balboa? I’m a big fan of the Rocky character and in this movie he says this to his son: “it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!” I can identify with that. Life hits hard, and it has hit me hard in the past, but like Rocky I bounce back, I keep moving forward, and I’m so glad I did.

The flight with Emirates went quickly by, even though it was about 20 hours. They had this amazing entertainment system called ICE. In it I could choose from 100+ movies and TV series. I think I watched 6 movies on the way to Indonesia. Of course, I only got about 1 hour sleep. I even bought a sleeping mask and a special pillow to make me sleep. The entertainment was so good that sleep was an impossible dream. I had 2 stops before Jakarta. 3 hours in Dubai and then 1 hour in Kuala Lumpur. With every stop, me and Kei exchanged text messages.

My heart was racing and pulsating the closer I got to Jakarta. Expectations were sky high and I came out into the crowd of people looking for their loved ones. I found mine, as the crowd seemed to part. “Love” she said with a coy smile. My heart was racing no more, but came to a full stop as I admired her beauty. This was the girl who I exchanged text messages with, the girl from the pictures, the love of my life. “She looks even better in real life” I screamed on the inside so only my brain could hear it. “Loooove!” I said enthusiastic as I finally held her in my arms. If I had been in the pits before, I was finally on the highest mountain with a majestic view and opportunities in abundance. I almost forgot mom and dad standing next to her, but they got a hug too. Her family is truly wonderful. Her parents love me as their son, and her siblings treat me as their brother. No wonder Kei is such an amazing person with parents like that.

The 3 weeks there seemed to go so fast, but we got to do all the things we never could before, and that makes the 3 weeks better than the last 3 years. It’s about quality, not quantity. We didn’t get to go to Bali or do much sightseeing, but for me it didn’t matter one bit. I got to see Kei, I got to talk to her, touch her hair and tell her that I love her face to face.

On October 7th we got engaged on a hot Sunday evening. First I asked Kei’s parents for permission to marry her, and they had no objections. We rented this beautiful Italian place called Ti Amo and the 36 guests seemed to enjoy every second. I went down on my knees and proposed to Kei and she laughed and said: “Of course I’ll marry you!” In truth I already knew the answer, but it’s always good to hear it and especially at that moment. We put on our rings and did a celebratory toast, it was finally done. The night was ours and we took it and made it beautiful in the name of love.

I also became a Nichiren Buddhist while I was there. I never really believed in anything all my life, I only went to church at funerals. Buddhism seemed like it was made for me and I took a choice for life. Praying makes me stronger and will help me achieve all my goals in life.

I wouldn’t call my little adventure in Indonesia a movie, because it would have a sad ending. The guy leaves the girl at the airport. Heartbroken, he has no choice. However, it’s an ongoing series with lots of twists and turns and since me and Kei are directing it, you will love the ending. Maybe ending isn’t the right word. It will never end according to our marriage date 8.8.8. The number 8 is infinity, and that can be the title of our voyage.

So I’m back in England, and she’s still in Indonesia. It will be hard for us both. I will go back there in July and until then save as much money as possible. I’m sure there are lots more to tell, but it’s enough for now. Tomorrow I hope to make a picture blog with lots of pictures!

What the heart wants, the heart gets

“Insanity, when the heart wakes up in the night wanting. This heart doesn’t want to be alone anymore and soon… soon it will get its wish”

It’s been 4 months and 20 days and me and Kei are still together. People told me that if we didn’t see each other for 3 months, we wouldn’t make it. We are still here, making it. I could talk about what a crazy year it has been and what I have experienced, what I’ve been through, but nothing can prepare me for the weeks ahead, the 3 most important weeks of my life.

What the heart wants, the heart gets. Insane isn’t it? The things we never knew about this life just a year ago, a month ago, a week ago or even a second ago. Then again, life isn’t about knowing is it? It is all about the experience and the constant questions to which we really have no answer. What is love for example? No one knows, we all might have theories, but the most important thing in most people’s life is love, and we still haven’t got a clue.

Well, I am about to find out a few more things about myself and life. I will probably not update this blog for a while as I am not taking my laptop with me. When I am there, I want to do other things than I do here at home. So I see you all when I get back, right?

Fallen Earth

In November last year I wrote a novel called ”Fallen Earth”, but I left the last 20 pages of it unwritten. I wrote about 200 pages, and then I just stopped. Well, thanks to Kei, I am finishing it now and I am going to publish it in Indonesia with her help. I am almost there now, just a few more pages and I can call it a wrap. It will be an important lesson in “letting go”. I am a perfectionist and 6 months ago, I would never consider publishing it because I thought it was not good enough. It is not about making it perfect, but it is about finishing something that I’ve started which is very difficult for me. I am ready to accept it like it is and actually get it all done for once. Thanks Kei!

Speaking of, only 9 days until I go! How exciting is that? A whole new world is opening up for me and Kei. I’ve been to Asia before, but I expect Indonesia to be a lot different from China. When I was in China, I thought like a westerner and I acted like one too. I was seen as impolite and rude by most people which surprised me, but it’s just so different. I learnt a lot by being there about other cultures and ways to do things. When I get to Indonesia I will be more aware of how things are. I will still be myself, but I can use my experience from China to make it a better experience for myself and Kei. I guess the most important thing I learned from China was to not assume anything. Assumptions always lead to trouble. I somehow assumed that in big cities like Shanghai that things would be like in western cities. How wrong I was.

This will me my last “normal” day at work for a while. For the whole of next week I will have RAS (Remote Access Server) training. I’m really looking forward to it as I get to learn a new skill which will be very useful in my work. RAS is basically all about connecting remotely to computers and do troubleshooting remotely. The only drawback of having training next week is that immediately after that I will be away from work for 3 weeks and would have forgotten a lot when I get back. Oh well I will deal with that when it comes. Have a great weekend everyone!

It’s a noisy world

Some of you might remember the problem I had with my left ear about a month ago. Well, I got some exciting news! On Friday I decided to go to the doctor because the olive oil was obviously not working. I went to the walk-in center and they put a syringe in my ear and sprayed hot water down there. It took a while, and the first doctor wasn’t able to fix me so she had to call in another doctor. It was so much stuff in there! Now, the interesting part is that they got out all the goo, but I still couldn’t hear properly. Something else was blocking the ear canal. What could it be? Well the doctors had to call in a specialist and even he couldn’t figure out what it was. They got it out and even so, there were wild speculations about the foreign object in my ear. I took a brief look at it, and it was a small black square block of something.

The doctors had a theory that I got more than I paid for when I had the horrendous hair cut last week. Their theory was that the hairdresser had stuffed a lot of hair down my ear. As funny as that theory is, I have come up with a theory of my own. I think my alien brothers have finally found me and the device was a simple alien implant! Anyway, like almost every episode of X-Files the evidence got destroyed so we will never learn the truth, but THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE!

I must say I enjoy the medical services here in England. I just went into a walk-in center, got my problem fixed and walked out of there, not paying anything. I’ve been there 3 times and the consultations are apparently free. I love it!

It’s nothing like getting your full hearing back after a month of muffled hearing. Everything is so noisy! Suddenly I could hear that I had coins in my left jacket pocket when I walked and that rolling cigarette butt rolling on the pavement made a proper impression. The bus home was creepy as I thought it would fell apart due to the creaking and engine noises that I have never heard before.

Well, all is good! It’s getting back to normal and I take my hearing for granted again. It was a very interesting experience and I am glad I had it.

The friendship conspiracy

I love conspiracy theories, but I rarely pay them much attention, just a bit of fun. During the last year or so I’ve gotten quite a few online friends. In June last year (I think it was), my first online friend was made. Her name is Cindy and she’s now one of my best friends. I was pretty new in the online social networking business, so I made quite a few friends after that, but only a few are still with me. One such friend is Rina. She is from Singapore, but she was living in USA at the time with her husband and kids when I met her. I think we met around November or December last year (Correct me if I’m wrong here Rina!).

I have this theory that everyone is connected somehow, but the incident a couple of days somehow made it all suspicious and conspiratory. Ok, so this is how it went. I chatted with Cindy:

[07:07] Xiao Yao :: hey J..guess what
[07:08] BleachJT: what?
[07:12] Xiao Yao :: it seems your writings and the one about how you found internet love and then lost that.....well..i think ppl are talking about it
[07:12] Xiao Yao :: one of my friends in NY has heard about you thru a friends of his
[07:14] Xiao Yao :: Chael says:
I noticed one of your facebook friends is jorn
Chael says:
small world, I don't really know him, but I know about him through a friend, heard about his fanastic tale of finding internet love and losing it due to the worst luck.. he's like famous for it

Now just the thought that some random guy in USA know about me from some friend is mind blowing, just because I wrote about it in some random blog on the internet.
I was really shocked by this and I called Kei and told her about it and when I came home Rina was online and I just had to tell her this amazing story. She was like: “Hey, I know this Chael. It was me who told him!”

MIND EXPLOSION!!



So then… how did my two worlds collide in this unlikely way? Cindy and Rina has never met or talked to each other, yet something is going on.

What if all the people I chose to be my friend are actually linked in this manner? What does it mean? I was thinking that the world is collapsing onto me now and everything is coming together like an implosion of friends. I should make one of those huge wall sized maps with all my friends there, and the links between them. Would that make me a conspiracy nut? It’s a conspiracy!

The worst haircut in the world

Have you ever had a haircut so bad that when you walk in front of a mirror you either laugh hysterically or run away screaming/crying? Well, that’s what happened to me yesterday. I was just going to cut a little because I like my new long hair so I went to this local gents barber shop. It only cost 6 pounds but it was the worst haircut ever! I looked like a priest or Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber… It was so ridiculous I started laughing hysterically, and then I realized that this was bad. I am going to work today, that means people will see this abomination. So I went to another hairdresser to undo whatever damage the previous hairdresser had done. It cost 11.50 this time, but my god it was soooo worth it. Still, all my long hair is gone and I have short hair again. It looks ok, but I prefer the long hair. Can’t wait until I get long hair again. I don’t know what to do with my hair. Every time I cut my hair, it’s the same haircut, and it never looks good.

In order to protect the innocent (me) I am not posting pictures :D.

It’s all about control

From the moment I stepped in that classroom at age 7 I loved math. It made sense to me, 2+2 equals 4; it's so logical, so systematic, so final. I loved it so much that I did the whole math book in a month. The problem was that I had 9 more months at school. In the beginning, the teachers came up with extra assignments for me, but after a while, there was nothing left so I got a chance to do 2nd grade math and then 3rd. I'm not sure how they held me occupied all those early years, but they did it. Maybe they hoped that the interest would fade, and it eventually did, when algebra was introduced. That didn't make much sense to me and I fell behind all the others.

Here I am 23 years older than I was back then and I still love numbers. It's a cold and analytical tool, but it gives me safety. It makes me happy when I can put a number on everything, because it's so set, it's calculated, hardly a risk at all. Granted, numbers don't tell the whole story, it's just the facts. I live in an uncertain world where anything can happen at any time, but numbers give me some order in life, something to hold on to if things go bad.

It can be applied to everything I do. Time for example, can be calculated and put into a system, oh I love systems. I also love statistics which is probably why my favorite game is Football Manager series. I could spend hours just studying stats, put the numbers in Excel sheets, do averages and all sorts of calculation and see patterns and predict the future.

I try to apply the same thing with myself. I have spreadsheets for my money, for my time and for my life in general. I am a control freak when it comes to myself, yet I never try to control others. I have learned that the only person I can control is myself, so I am applying everything I know to give me the life I want. I know numbers; I know they feel safe and comfortable. Numbers don't lie (at least not my numbers), sometimes they change, but they can still be measured, controlled.

It's all about control.

Bobo

Everyone I know has had some kind of stuffed animal when they were young (and some still do when they are old). Mine was this sorry looking thing which I called Bobo. My little sister found this thing online on a website for lost stuff. Now I'm not sure it's lost somewhere, I just don't know where it is. I asked my big sister about it, and she thought I still had it, lol.

I can't really remember why I liked this thing so much. My little sister loved this carrot she called Dingolingolansj. I bought it for her when I was on vacation in Crete I think. Stuffed carrots make great friends too. My fiancée has this cute thing called Momo, I think it is a bee of some kind.

I think I had an imaginary friend too, but I am not sure if it is a false memory or a real one. I would like to have one today, how do I go about it? Is there some place I can request an imaginary friend? There should be an imaginary friend repository somewhere, where you could apply for an imaginary friend. I did a search for it online, but I could only come up with a few definitions and personal stories. My theory is that if everyone had an imaginary friend, the world would be a much better place. You would always have someone to talk to at all times and they would always listen and even talk back. Of course, all psychoanalysts and therapists would be out of a job, but it's a small price to pay.

My fiancée made me a digitally stuffed animal by the way :D.

Who replace these precious "friends" when we grow up?

An amazing story

I just read the story of Gary Dahl, who made 15 million dollars in 6 months selling rocks, that’s right… rocks! In 1975 he worked as an advertising executive and had this crazy idea. He probably picked up a rock or something and wondered if people would buy it if he made a good “package”. His gimmick was that the rocks could be used as pets and the “pet rock” was born. Now my first thought reading this amazing story was: “Why the hell would people buy rocks and keep them as pets?” I can just imagine the scene with little Billy getting a rock for his birthday. I can’t believe it worked.

The rocks didn’t look like anything but a rock either which adds to the mystery. I suppose it wasn’t a huge investment for people because the pet rock sold for $3.95. Dahl sold over 5 million in the first 6 months. He imported the rocks from Rosarito Beach in Baja, California, Mexico. It cost about 30 cents per rock; packaging and delivery cost about 65 cents so he had a profit of over $3 per rock.

His sales pitch was that keeping a real pet like cats, dogs and fish was just too much work, and too messy, too much of a hassle, plus it would cost so much money for food and things like that. In the package he sent to his customers was a pet training manual which contained instructions on how to care for your pet and teach it tricks like sit, stay, roll over and play dead. It sounds unbelievable to me, but this guy was a marketing genius.

His marketing strategy was simple. He sold the idea that pet rocks give use more pleasure than we know. He convinced the consumer that although the items itself doesn’t give joy to a child, but the idea of it does. The pet can be anything in your imagination. So he basically sold an idea, feeding on kids vivid imagination. People who bought the pet rocks gave them names, talked to them, petted them and had them do simple tricks.

Pet rocks are still alive and well, and you can buy them on the internet now, there are collector’s items and special editions, spin-offs and memorial pages. Not many gray pebbles are sold anymore, but you can buy rocks that are inscribed and painted.

It is an amazing and inspiring story that just goes to show that “anyone” can do something to change their lives. Every idea is potentially a winner given the right “package” and advertising. I think I will start selling toilet roll pets. Anyone interested? Only $4.95!

130 free days

I am obsessed with time at the moment trying to figure out how to best use my available time. This week I will be working about 54 hours, exercise for about 11 hours, sleep for 35 hours which means I have about 65 hours of free time. 65 hours is a lot of time when you think of it. This is the time which I am at home doing “nothing”. Now every week won’t be like this, it will be differences over a whole year, but let’s say I had 60 hours on average free time per week. That would amount to 3120 hours per year. That’s actually 130 days. 130 days where I don’t sleep, but 130 x 24 hours. It’s fair to say that with all that time, I could pretty much do anything I want and still have time to spare. If you had 130 free days per year, what would you do with them and why?

My ear still hasn’t cleared up, but I think it is a little better now. Could be that the doctors were right. Olive oil might do the trick. If it hasn’t cleared up by Wednesday I think I will go see the doctor anyway, just to see what they have to say.

34 days until I go to Indonesia and see Kei. Hehe I remember when it was 100. The time really flies. I’m so excited! Today is a bank holiday in England, but I still have to be at work. That’s fine, because the pay is really good. Speaking of, there will be no lunch at work today so I better go prepare something.

The beauty of sound

Friday morning I woke up with a strange sensation. The alarm clock didn’t sound as annoying as usual. Something was wrong. All I could hear in my left ear was a strange wind sound. I couldn’t hear a thing on my left ear and that truly sucked. I knew what it was though since I have had trouble with this last year. My left ear canal is blocked by some ear wax. Usually it goes away by applying heat so I took a long warm shower. It didn’t help this time.

It was interesting to work on Friday since I have to talk on the phone all day, but it went ok. I got some ear drops at the local pharmacy to be used 2 times a day for up to 3 days. I’m on my third day now and my left ear is still blocked. After work today I will go to a doctor and see what they can do. I am getting used to this condition though and it’s not so annoying anymore. When I do get my hearing back, I will enjoy the beauty of sound.

Yesterday was Sunday and guess where I was? At work! That’s right, Sunday work. I applied for some weekend work a while ago and now I will work 6 Sundays in a row. Never worked on weekends before but it was actually kind of nice. It was a lot more challenging as half of the issues were things I am not trained for yet. Working for 6 days might be hard, but it’s good to get the extra money for my future expenses. I am working hard for me and Kei. I hope I can continue to work weekends but I hear rumors that they might stop it here and move the weekend work to India.

Anyway, going to work soon. It’s Monday and I start work at 6.30. Wohoo! Oh, and happy birthday to Kei’s dad today.

I'm engaged!

I apologize for the quality of the ring picture. It is a still frame taken from a video Kei sent me of the rings. That's her hand with the ring on. That video was taken July 29th, so I guess you can say we have been engaged for a while, and the plan was to tell the world in October when I went to Indonesia, but we couldn't wait any longer, hehe.

It's been quite a year hasn't it? Right now I am just so happy that I have her. Every morning I wake up smiling to her good morning text message to me. I still remember when I asked her to be mine on May 7th. What a great decision that was, probably the best decision of my life. We found each other long time ago, I am sure of that. I will tell you all about it in another blog.

I can't wear my ring until I get to Indonesia but that's ok. In my heart I can feel the love every day. I am so proud that my future wife Kei is wearing the ring right now. I must be the luckiest and happiest man alive. It’s Only 1.5 months now until I get there and we will have the best 3 weeks of our life, and we will start planning the wedding together. The details of that will also come in a later blog.

You know, this just goes to show that if you believe, if you really want something you can get it no matter how impossible it seems. In April when everything seemed doom and gloom I kept thinking that this is not the end, I will fight back, I will never give up, I choose to be happy no matter what. Then I got a great new job and my love Kei come into my life. And folks, the best is yet to come!

I am engaged to the most wonderful woman I have ever met. I am so thankful for you Kei, thank you for loving me, thank you for everything you give me every second of my life. Love, this is just the beginning of our happiness. I love you so much Kemala Ayu Lestari, I am so proud and happy to become your husband.

What's in this envelope?

As I was walking home from the store on Saturday a little kid ran up to me. He stretched his right arm to me as far up as he could and with a thick mancunian accent spelled out: "Mister, This is for you!" I took the white envelope he was holding in his hand and asked him what it was. All he said was: "Don't open until Christmas!" Then he ran away with his little legs. So my guess is as good as yours. I will open it at Christmas time and the mystery will be revealed.

Only 1.5 months now until I get to see my love. Kei is really wonderful and we have really grown closer this last week. Last week there was an earthquake 100km away from Jakarta. It was really scary for me as I called her but couldn't get a hold of her. She was of course fine, but I always worry when I can't get hold of her. That's because I love her so much.

Yesterday was my last free Sunday for a while. Last week I applied for Sunday work and I got it. I will work 6 Sundays in a row from this Sunday. I will work 9 hours every Sunday and will earn 20% more per hour than I usually do. It will be hard, because I have never worked on weekends before, but it will really help me and Kei. On Sundays, all I do is sit at home surf the internet and chat anyway. I can do this at work in-between calls and get paid for it.

These shoes were made for walkin'

As I was walking on Sunday I realized something. I love my shoes. They are so comfortable to wear and it doesn't matter if it's winter, summer, spring or fall, these shoes will not let me down. I don't think about it, but these particular shoes have been walking through some exciting places.

They have been walking through the streets of Dublin, Ireland (which is where I bought them). Then they went on walking through the snowy streets of Liverpool, UK before they walked in the more snowy landscape of Tromso, Norway. Not long after that they were walking in the busy streets of Shanghai, China... The hills of Chaohu, China... The cold streets of Beijing, China... Now they are back in the UK, walking through the rainy streets of Manchester. They have even been walking through the airports of Copenhagen, Denmark and Paris, France. Soon they will be walking in the streets of Jakarta, Indonesia.

It's amazing isn't it? And they almost look as good as when I bought them, still as comfy as ever. Yes, I love my shoes. If there was one object I could take with me on a deserted island it would be those shoes. Keep on walking, you'll never walk alone...

Power restored

Yesterday I found out that me and Superman has something in common. We are both powered by the sun. That's right, yesterday the sun shone. It's really for the first time in a month for me that I could enjoy it. I took a nice long walk and let the sun just restore my batteries. I feel energized and ready for another month without sun.

It's a great new week ahead and I am so thankful for everything these days. I guess you can say I'm a very happy and lucky guy. I'll be going off to work shortly and I am so happy that I have a job to go to, that I can go to the training studio after work and just enjoy life and what it has to offer.

Kei, I am so thankful for having you in my life. I love you so much.

Have a great week!

I am the 487,400,414 richest person in the world!

Imagine that. I am one of the richest people on this planet. There are about 6.7 billion people on this earth and I am in the top 8.12%. According to this site anyway: Global Rich List. How rich are you? As a curiosity for UK people, you can check out this site: Channel 4's Rich List. I'm a bit worse off here. Apparently there are 14,336,289 people richer than me and 43,463,711 people poorer than me. That would put me in the top 24.8%. Still, it's not bad, I'm not even a UK citizen. Isn't internet fun?

Jakarta

Yesterday I ordered a ticket to Indonesia. I will be going on September 30th. The flight will take about 1 day and October 1st I will meet Kei for the first time. I am so excited! I will stay there for a whole 3 weeks. It's not long now, only a little over 2 months and I am counting the days.

I think there is some kind of rain record in England right now. Yesterday was one of the few days without rain, the second in about a month. People are talking about the wettest summer ever. It could very well be, but it doesn't bother me. I am used to the rain, and I actually like it. However they predict that August will be really nice.

My life is full of sunshine anyway (metaphorically speaking)

The seconds are ticking away

Sometimes I wish I could record my life, so I could go back and watch certain things. I want to know what I did January 5th at 3:15pm 1987 for some reason. Play my life like a movie, rewind and fast forward. Life is passing by us so fast, and most of our moments in life are quickly forgotten. I don't remember when I swam in the ocean for the first time or when I hugged my grandma for the last time. These are memories I wish I could just bring back whenever I wanted, but they are buried deep in my subconscious somewhere.

I wonder when I ate chicken wings for the first time. What was it like? I know that I love chicken wings, but it would be great to taste them for the first time again. I can't even remember what I had for lunch last Tuesday. Living in the moment, sensing every moment, enjoying it, be thankful for it. That is the ideal, but it doesn't work that way.

I saw the movie 'Next' with Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore and Jessica Biel yesterday. It's about a guy who can see 2 minutes into the future. Interesting idea, but the movie was flawed. They could have done so much more with it. The scope felt so small. Time is always interesting though. I love movies that deal with it in some way. I remember I watched a movie called 'Déjà Vu' with Denzel Washington earlier this year. That was a great movie and a great soundtrack too.

Time, where does it go? Does it just cease to exist once the moment has passed? Are we all synchronized or do we all live in slightly different time bubbles? Time that has not happened yet is very interesting. When the future becomes the present and past in the blink of an eye. Fascinating....

Yesterday’s gym practice was more intense than ever. I felt knackered after I was done, thought I had overdone it. I broke all my records though, but I think I have to be careful not overdoing it and I must remember to enjoy every moment, because today will be a memory by tomorrow.

Thank you for Monday!

This weekend was fun! On Saturday I went out to this fancy hotel for my team coach Lars wedding party. He got married to Christine 2 weeks ago in Malta. It was my first wedding party. I got dressed up and felt like a million bucks, hehe. The only thing is that as the night went on, I missed Kei a lot. Wished she was there with me. But you know, as I watched the happy married couple I realized how lucky I am to have Kei in my life. That would be us in the future, I feel it, I want it, I need it.

Monday is great! A new week, new possibilities. Every day is great these days, so I am thankful for everything that I have. Monday is just as good as Friday or Saturday I think. It's just as beautiful. In an hour I have to get ready for work and I look forward to it. I like to sit on the bus on my way to work reading the morning newspaper and just feel that energy that I have these days.

After work I will go to the gym again. I think I am addicted, hehe. I have so much energy now and I can't wait to go there and beat my old records, become better than I ever was. I love to run, the treadmill is my favorite. I can just keep running there for a long time, but I know my limits. Every time I am done there I feel really dizzy, so I better not overdo it no matter how fun it is. Well enjoy your week!

Inside a procrastinators mind

My internet connection is so slow this morning, and it’s testing my patience. I know that I will win though, because in the end it doesn’t matter if my internet connection is slow or fast. Wait, let me start over… I was supposed to get up 47 minutes than I did and that is not so good. I kept ignoring the alarms and I do have a lot of alarms going off. I am trying to see if I can do anything about my procrastination so yesterday evening I made a lot of tasks and appointments in Outlook and it’s those alarms that have been going off this morning. Since I overslept by 47 minutes, the procrastinator gets to live another day.

It’s interesting though, I was discussing this with a friend yesterday about how I can beat this procrastination habit of mine. I am trying a new approach now, not only writing down every task that I have to do, but I also made a formula. I am a numbers person and I love stats. That is why I can run on treadmill in a training studio and not outside for real. I need to see my heart rate, calories burned, how long I have been running, speed and distance. So maybe I can take this fact and bring it do my everyday tasks and appointments. Today for example I have 6 appointments and 3 tasks. I have given every one of them a procrastination level (PL) score and importance factor (IF) score. PL goes from 0.1 to 1.0 where 0.1 is something I will do anyway and 1.0 I will do if I get a gun to my head; maybe… well you get the point. Then IF goes from 0 to 100 how important I think it is for me personally. So I multiply PL by IF and get what I call life points. I will add these points to a spreadsheet and see what percentage I am at when it comes to doing my stuff. I want to reach 100% and obviously get as many points as possible. I’m thinking of having a reward if I get a 1000 points. It’s in the test phase, but so far I like this idea a lot. By the way, if I finish this blog I get 10 points. Yeay! I can get 177 points total today. Anyone got other good ideas?

The workout yesterday was amazing. Even with pain I tried harder, ran longer and overall killed all my previous records. Now my body is going to rest until Monday. After all, the muscles need rest to grow. I am thinking of a 4 day per week routine going from Monday to Thursday and rest from Friday to Sunday.

I miss Kei, but she has no credit on the phone right now. Hopefully she will get some soon so I can hear from her.

According to my morning tasks I need to take a shower in 2 minutes. I will not get points for this though because I do it every morning and I don’t see it as a chore, but it will be interesting to see if I can keep my schedule because I have been showering at different times. Have a great weekend!

My arms and legs aren't falling off yet

So my 2 first days of this new workout regime of mine is over and I am happy to say that my arms are still attached and my legs don't hurt too much. I was expecting it to happen, but I don't mind that it hasn't. Anyway, day 3 is today. I plane to do this from Monday to Thursday and give it 3 days rest before I start torturing myself on Monday. Saying that, torture has never been more fun!

It's comfortable at work these days. Most people are on vacation so the calls are less. I get to read my RSS feeds and chat with Kei and my friends. The soup is still good and the lunch is delicious. Happy days!

Kei and myself are doing great, even though we don't call each other as often as before. It gets ridiculously expensive really fast, so we decided to send a lot of text messages instead and of course chat when we can.

Workout

So how have you all been? I've been very good, but I haven't been writing much recently. I've been sleeping a lot though.

Yesterday I was in the gym for the first time for 8 years. Imagine that! 8 years is a long time. I was in Aalesund at the time working as a graphics designer. I remember I wanted to commit to a training regime, so I paid for a whole year in advance. I went there with great enthusiasm and did a proper workout. The next day I could barely lift my arms and taking on my jacket almost killed me. I never went back to the gym. I'm hoping this time will be different though. The gym is basically for people working at Shell Oil, so it's a private gym. It is very cheap too, so it won't cost me the world like that gym 8 years ago. They have a lot of equipment and 3 rooms including a great hall for team activities.

I thought I was in pretty bad shape, but I was mistaken. Yesterday I started the workout by bicycling for 15 minutes before doing 10 minutes on the cross trainer. Then I did some leg exercises before I ran 1 English mile on the treadmill. To be honest with you, I thought I could last maybe 2 minutes running, but I could have run even more than I did. I was really impressed with myself. How did I feel after the workout? Dizzy, but great. I was really lightheaded actually, but I haven't exercised in 8 years so that is to be expected. It's a little after 5am now and I just woke up. There is no pain at all. Today I am going back there, but I'm giving my legs a rest and will work on my arms and tummy. Can't wait!

So anyone looking forward to the last Harry Potter book? I have only read the first 3 myself and watched the 4 movies. Still haven't seen the latest one, but I will. I am not a big fan, but it's a highly enjoyable series. What will J.K. Rowling do next? I mean, she is Harry Potter through and through. She has hinted that maybe book 7 isn't the end, but I kind of hope it is. I want to see what she does next. I really love her writing style which is great for both kids and adults. How do you best Harry Potter though? She will have a lot of pressure to write something great. Everyone will be looking her way. If I should ever become an author, I hope to build a readership gradually by getting better and better instead of writing my masterpiece in the beginning. Not that my first book will suck or anything ;).

7 Wonders of the world

As you may or may not know, someone decided that we needed 7 new wonders of the world since 6 of the 'old' wonders of the world is gone. The only one left standing is the pyramids of Giza. The new list is as follows: Brazil's Statue of Christ Redeemer, Peru's Machu Picchu, Mexico's Chichen Itza pyramid, the Great Wall of China, Jordan's Petra, the Colosseum in Rome and India's Taj Mahal. Apparently over 100 million voted for these.

I didn't vote for it myself, but I've been thinking about my list. What are my 7 wonders of the world?

In no particular order:

1. Me

That's right. I am a wonder of my world. Without me, this list wouldn't exist, this blog wouldn't exist. Can you imagine a world without me?

2. Kei

She is a wonder to me. You can have your pyramids, your machu picchus, your colosseums, but nothing can replace her. My world would be missing a wonder if she wasn't here.

3. My friends

Yes, without my friends, a big part of me would be missing. I need my friends and I love them very much. Some may come and go, but you will always be special to me.

4. My family

That's a given. Without them I wouldn't be here. Wherever I go, whatever I do, they will always be there supporting me. Their support means the world to me.

5. Music

What a lifeless boring world it would be if there wasn't music. I need music. It's my passion, my joy. Music can be everything. A time machine to the past and the future, a comfort in time of need. Music is magic.

6. Love

I can't explain love, but it is a wonder of my world. It is the most powerful force I can think of. Being in love is the most amazing feeling. What can be better than that?

7. Belief

You have to have belief. We all have it, but without hope, without belief I wouldn't be able to do what I want to do. It constantly pushes me forward, making me grow as a person. That to me is amazing. Belief can really move mountains. If you believe it, it will happen.

So there you have it. My list of 7 wonders of the world. But why limit it to 7? I have many more wonders like the sun, the forest, the mountains, the ocean, the stars; the moon... the list goes on and on. Right now I am listening to music, thinking about my love Kei (who is down with fever at the moment), writing this for all my friends and family, and with strong belief that Kei will be fever free soon.

Donating your soul

I started watching this new show called Heartland. It is a doctor show that's about organ donations and the drama behind it all. Quite interesting. They haven't gotten to the religious things yet, but I know there are certain religions that won't allow donations of any kind, for example blood (I saw that in another doctor show once). I wouldn't mind my body used for science or organ donations in the future. It also got me thinking about things like my heart. Some think that love comes from the heart, but I think it is more than that. It is the soul. For me donating the heart wouldn't be like donating the soul. Not even the mind would accomplish that feat. What do you guys think about all this? Would you donate your organs in the future? Is there any part you wouldn't give away?

I guess today, everybody has the environment in mind. I am trying to watch the live earth concerts, but the streams won't let me. Well I don't need a couple of concerts to remind me that the environment needs taking care of. The earth is a gift for us, and we need to take care of it any way we can. I saw the movie An Inconvenient Truth and it was quite shocking. I hope every one of you see that movie and start to think about what to do for the environment. It needs your help.

I'm happy that football season is slowly starting up. Watched my first match today, it was just a training match, but still... It's back!

Next week I will hopefully start to exercise myself. I need a physical assessment from the physio which will hopefully happen on Wednesday and then I can start training in the gym. The physical assessment is just for protecting their arses. Everyone is afraid to get sued these days. I heard that one guy got rejected because he has high blood pressure, which is ironic because he certainly could use the gym more than others. Well we'll see how it goes. I have it from a very good source that my family has very low blood pressure.

I saw Spider-Man 3 finally, and it was great! By far the best in the Spider-Man series. I liked the two first ones, but this was just amazing stuff. I also saw Die Hard 4, and it didn’t disappoint. Easily on par with the first one, maybe even better. Enjoyed it from start to finish. Also saw Pathfinder, which has been slaughtered by both critics and people who saw it. I have to say that it wasn’t as bad as people say it is. It wasn’t great, but it was enjoyable. It wasn’t as good as the Norwegian movie Veiviseren which was the movie it was based on. I remember I saw that one in the cinema back in 1987. The Reaping was a good movie, which had a few surprises up its sleeve. Premonition was not bad, but what I liked the most about it was the soundtrack by Klaus Badelt, so I guess that says it all.

The fun begins now

In recent years, I've become a pretentious prick going on and on about how Tom Cruise really can't act (Sorry Cruise fans). Not only that, but I can smell a plot hole a mile away. All of this is ruining the fun of watching movies. The fact is, I really like Cruise and his work. But this isn't a post about him, neither is it about horror movies even though I will talk about it in the next few paragraphs.

You see, my big sister just loves horror movies and she used to scare me when I was little and forced me to watch them with her. Not so much forcing, but still. I remember I was hiding behind the pillows for the really scary stuff, but I was so fascinated by all these 80s horror movies, the demons and all this imagination. I secretly became a fan and names like Carpenter, Craven and King kept popping up during my childhood and beyond.

Now Freddie Kruger, there's a character. When I watch the movies now they are really fun to watch, but not really scary anymore. That's ok, because as I grow older, there are other things that scare me more, like white Japanese girls with long black hair. Michael Myers, Jason, those characters are all flawed, and the movies they were in didn't have the greatest stories or the best actors, but it was just pure popcorn fun.

I realized on Saturday that I have forgotten to watch movies for fun. All I want these days are content and great stories with great actors. I want something to think about. Nothing wrong with that, but it makes me a boring person. I haven't really watched many horror movies in recent years and I decided to do something about it so I watched Hostel, The Hills Have Eyes, When A Stranger Calls and Pulse.

I started with Hostel which really blew. I was so disappointed, but mostly in myself who kept killing it with my brain. I think too much. But then I watched The Hills Have Eyes and the fun slowly started coming back again. I really enjoyed it. When A Stranger Calls was great. None of these were really scary, but I had fun. I just watched Pulse and it is better than the reviews it has gotten. I didn't like the ending, but still a good movie. I have made a list of movies I am going to see: Dominon (Sequel to the exorcist), Hide and Seek, The Descent, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Bug, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, The Covenant, The Grudge 2, 1408, 28 Days Later, Captivity, Grindhouse, The Hills Have Eyes 2, The Messengers, The Reaping, White Noise 2. Any others I should add to that list?

All I wanna do is enjoy myself now and then. Not be Mr. Serious all of the time. Life should be entertaining, so have fun while living it!

Question me... please!

Questions. Annoying repeating questions. I know you all have gotten those. When you get a question like "Are you sure you can do it?" every week, and you always answer "Yes, of course" because you know you can do it. It can hurt and irritate, because you feel like you are not really trusted. Well I got one of those annoying repeating questions again this week and I felt that loss of trust and it hurt me. Well to be honest, it was my ego that got hurt. But during the conversation I discovered something. I didn't want to argue, so instead I observed myself saying and doing these things. Not really participating, just letting it play out.

Now I saw what an effect it had on me of someone asks the wrong question. What is the wrong question anyway? What this person asked me wasn't wrong at all, but it felt like that at the time. What the question did was challenge my ego, and I loved that. Isn't that the way we learn? If you are never questioned or challenged in any way, do you really move at all? I am eternally thankful to this person because once again my ego was driven out from it's hiding place. If I don't get questions like this, I will never really learn.

I think this person misunderstood that, and was confused by my thankfulness. It wasn't sarcastic at all when I thanked you. You opened my eyes as you have done before. How can I not be thankful for that? This person might be afraid to ask me anything in the future. Please continue to ask me and challenge me, I really need that. I know you are afraid to hurt me, but you can never really hurt me, only my ego, and if the ego never gets hurt, it will continue to bother me.

Terima kasih.

Lifehouse

As I listen to the new album of Lifehouse (Who we are) I think about what I have been doing with my life. I could have been anything I wanted, but I chose this, and it feels pretty good. "Feeling the life all over again" they sing as I think about the feeling of life and love. It's great to be in love again. It flows the right way. bringing me forward to a brighter future.

Track 3 is a really good one. It's called "Whatever it takes", and they continue "to turn it around", which just reminds me that it's what I can do. Whatever stops me from creating the future I want, I can always turn it around because I have great determination. "Keep us together, whatever it takes". It is what I want.

I've always loved Lifehouse. The vocalist has a great voice, it feels so good just listening to their easy going modern rock tracks. "We discover who we are" he sings on track 4, and it is what their new album are about. And isn't that what life is all about? Finding out who we really are. We think that we know everything, but we only know a very small percentage, if that. Go out, find yourself, you might be surprised.

I still remember when I discovered Lifehouse. It was in October of 2001. I was watching the pilot episode of Smallville and I heard my all time favorite song called "Everything" at the end of the episode. Ah, the memories. I think that song helped me change, because it was then I decided to leave the life I knew, my safe life. I went on to new things, and ever since then I have felt it all, the pain, the love, it all started back then. Thank you Lifehouse.

The EGO

What the ego wants, the ego gets. Isn't that right? But isn't that a good thing? I think ego is something we all have and will always have, but egocentric is the real culprit. What happens in our brain whenever we want something and something gets in the way, like a person? It could be very bad. I know people who have lost their best friends and lovers because of that. We learn best from our own mistakes, right? I have always thought that, but I keep on repeating them.

I have never paid much attention to the ego, pretty much letting it run wild whenever it wants. Today my eyes opened a little and I see the ramifications of my own actions. I can be so stubborn and selfish sometimes, and I thought it was just part of my past. Thought I had grown as a person, but the old me still comes back like he owns the place. Don't worry, I don't have a split personality I think. It's just that in hindsight it feels like it's not me doing it, like it's a person I don't want to be. Loving yourself is a good thing, but it is not a free pass to be egoistic. It’s more like taking good care of yourself spiritually, emotionally and physically so you can be in a better situation to take care and to love your significant other, family and friends.

You know, seeing what it can do scares me. If I let it, I can easily lose everyone I love. That's when my biggest fear comes in. To lose someone I love. So that fear can be a good thing, because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. I don't want to lose people I love, I will fight hard for that to happen, and to do that I have to battle my egocentric side. Spider-Man had it easy with his dark side Venom. I am ready to face it now, because someone I love very much has opened my eyes. Thank you! I will study it, I will learn it, I will be the master of the ego, not the other way around.

20.62% mainstream

That pretty much sums up my life really. Does that mean I'm 20.62% normal? Maybe... So how did I come up with this number? Well I went to this site and typed in my username at last.fm. It takes my 30 most listened artists and calulates mainstream based on popularity. So for example my nr.1 artist is Linkin Park. It has a mainstreamness of 63.04% and has the most impact on my final result. Brian Tyler my nr.2 artist has only 0.62% mainstreamness and so on. Quite interesting.

I think my life is actually 20.62% normal. I am not an A4 type of guy, I know that and my music seems to reflect that overall. I'm sure I'm considered strange by anyone who's ever met me. What's wrong with strange? Nothing really. In fact I love to be strange, different. The people who has achieved something in life has dared to be different. I still think people love me even though I'm not your average Joe.

Will I get weirder in time? I think I can. It's not a goal to be as weird as possible, but it doesn't hurt. I should find a site that checks my movies as well, that would be cool. I think I am more mainstream when it comes to movies, but you never know. I think I'll make a t-shirt for me that say: 20.62% mainstream.

How mainstream are you?

Southport

Yesterday I went traveling to the west coast of England to a place called Southport. I just wanted to smell the sea again and I heard nice things about the beaches there. I went to the train station and took a train there. The travel time was about 1h30m. I think it's romantic, the whole traveling by train thing. I want to take Kei traveling with me all over the UK.

Southport the city was actually really nice. It was great to just walk on the promenade and just look into the windows of all those shops. Bought a couple of souvenirs as well. I thought the beach was far away from the city centre, so I took a taxi there. Turns out it was just a couple of minutes away, oh well. It was a beautiful sunny day and the beach there was huge. I could hardly see the sea from the beginning of the beach. Unfortunately the beach wasn't very nice. It wasn't really sand, more mud. Still I didn't come there to relax on the beach so I went walking out to the sea. I loved to smell the sea again. Most of my life I've lived near the sea.

More positive things are happening now. It's like whenever there might be a crisis happening, something good always happen to fix it. I was a bit worried a few days ago because my money was running really low. I calculated I could live about a week before I had to live on the streets. It has to be karma. First the money from my Irish bank account finally found it's way to my Norwegian bank account and then on Friday I got my first pay slip. Yeah… things are really sweet in all areas of my life right now.

Bali

Well, it's been a couple of exciting days for me. I've started taking calls at work, which means I'm officially working, yeay! It's been quite busy actually, but I like it. Whenever i work I change. I never really thought about it, but when I work I get in focus mode. It's my perfectionist side showing.

I like Friday! Not that I don't enjoy work, but it's weekend, my time! As usual I have no plans, but that's not the point is it? I can spend all my focus on Kei instead of working.

I've applied for a 3 week vacation from work in October because I'm going to Indonesia to see my girl! Talked to my team coach and he said it should be ok, just need to verify with my team leader who is currently in Moscow but will be back on Monday. Yeah, I can hardly believe it. It will be me and her for 3 weeks. The first 4-5 days we will spend in Jakarta with her family and friends then we will spend 7 days in beautiful Bali, then 5 days in spectacular Lombok. Can you tell I'm excited? Woooooooo!

Have a great weekend!

Dark Room

I was looking on the net to find some inspiration, because I wanted to write a new blog. I read a lot of inspiring articles, but I still didn't feel like writing anything. But on one of these articles I came across a list of things to help with productive writing. One of those points were no distractions. It's a fair point. If you had no distractions whatsoever, then writing would be much easier. But how do you do that? Well you can close off all IM windows, internet access, anything that might prove to be a distraction. For some people, like myself, that is just not enough. There are still a lot of things I can do instead of writing. I am the master of procrastination after all.

Then I saw a point called Dark Room. That was unusual, I thought. Isn't that some kind of photography lab? It turns out it is a small piece of software which you can get here that simply removes all distractions from your screen. It just opens a black screen in full screen mode and all you can do is write. It's simple and brilliant. It's also free, which is just great. It's configurable too so you can choose background color and font color. Right now I am using the standard one which is black background and a green font. It feels like typing on old computer terminals with 4 colors. I find it relaxing and nice. So now all I have to do is find something to write about, like the letter "J".

I am talking about the "J" button on my keyboard. I've noticed that I have to press it a little harder than all the other keys (yes I've tested them all). Does that mean I've used the letter "J" more than any other letter? Sounds a bit strange unless I sit all day enjoying writing my name: Jorn, jorn, jOrn, joRn, jorN. Ok I'll stop now, but you get my point. Maybe I should change my name to Orn or something like that since I can't write my name as easily as before? Then again maybe not.

Chester

Yesterday started really great. Kei called me just to tell me that she missed me. She’s so good to me. Then we chatted online for a bit and then she called again. At around 11am I was going to go for a walk and I got this crazy idea. The weather was really beautiful and I just wanted to travel somewhere. I took the bus to the train station and went to Chester, just like that. I’ve never done anything like that before, just go somewhere on impulse. It was exhilarating and I felt so free. I had a great day there and me and Kei texted each other throughout the day, like she was with me to Chester :).

Chester is a great city. It used to be a roman city, which the architecture really shows. It was once a great wall around the city which is still there now. I walked on it and soaked up the history. I spent all day there and came home around 7.30pm. My feet really hurt after all that walking, but it was really amazing. I am going to take Kei there someday. It’s a very romantic place and I saw a lot of couples there and I thought about me and Kei. It’s a magic place and I met some great people. I went into a little bookstore that was on top of the wall and I met this Canadian woman who had lived in the UK for 28 years and still sounded like a Canadian. It’s amazing that she hadn’t adopted a UK accent by now.

When I got home I got some bad news. My dad had been taken to the hospital due to a small stroke. But he’s a strong man, and he’s ok. The doctor’s say everything is fine with him and they will keep him for observation for a few days. Kei called me this morning to hear if I was ok, and to tell me she will always stand beside me no matter what happens.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Number 80

What happens when you put an easy to please guy into a workplace with free vending machines? I am the victim of some sort of science experiment. It’s like a Big Brother show in there. It started innocently enough with some black tea, light, no sugar. That worked great the first few days, and hey, it’s free. So one day I wanted to try something different so I added a little strength to the tea and some sugar. It was good, different, but little did I know the evil path it lead me on.

There it was… Number 80 Tomato Soup. I thought why not and pressed it with an adventurous joy. In a standard white plastic cup came the sweetest of soups. The red liquid was almost hypnotizing and then I tasted it. Maybe it was something about that day, but it was simply amazing. During the next days there were a few more Number 80 Tomato Soup, and I was happy. Then someone whispered in my ear today: Psst, the soup is different in the various vending machines. My heart stopped for a second. Could it be? More soup delight?

Sure enough, in one vending machine there was Number 80 Vegetable Soup. As I sipped calmly to my Number 80 Vegetable Soup she told me a tale of another vending machine with chicken soup. It was like finding lost gold, does this goodness never ends I thought. The Number 80 Vegetable Soup was a great success and there will be songs of great tales about it. Later that day I had a chance to check out the Number 80 Chicken Soup. It smelled chicken, was a bit lighter in color than the Number 80 Vegetable Soup but it tasted almost the same. A bit disappointed, I thought my soup loving days were over. The same person who told me about the chicken soup came over to me and told me that the quality of the soup varies from machine to machine. Oh joy! And there are like 10 of them there.

Well today I came to a disappointing conclusion. It’s just because it’s free. I’m not really addicted to soup. If they charged me for it, I wouldn’t even touch the stuff.

Plans

Are you the kind of person that plan your days ahead, what you are going to do in the weekend? Does it work for you? I am usually not that structured, but isn’t dreams some sort of plans or is it just wishful thinking? As we grow older, we get new dreams all the time before we make our old dreams come true. I remember one dream I had when I was young. I wanted to be a professional footballer. I was playing football for my local team hoping that a talent scout would come and see what a great footballer I was. Of course that never happened, and I probably wasn’t such a great footballer anyway. Over the years I’ve probably had lots of dreams and I still do. I wonder if any of my dreams came true.

This weekend I actually had a plan and was so excited about it. On Sunday I was going to a beautiful place called Edale with my friend Katy. Unfortunately her back was a mess today and couldn’t go. So I spent today with the people I love instead, not a bad substitute I have to say. I have another plan, but it is more long term. I want to go to Indonesia for a 2 week vacation in August/September to see Kei. In order to make that happen I have to do some serious planning. The biggest issue will be money (isn’t it always). I have just started a new job, so money will have to be saved rigorously during the next months. I have the best reason in the world to do it, so motivation won’t be a problem.

Even more long term I have dreams about more regularity with me and Kei. The how and when isn’t yet planned, but things are going really well at the moment. I bought a web cam on Friday so Kei could see me “live”. She bought a webcam as well today but we had some troubles with the internet connection so I could only see her 20 seconds at a time. I’d rather have 20 seconds than nothing at all. It was fun! Her smile is just amazing.

Tomorrow is a bank holiday both in the UK and Norway so I don’t have to go to work. I have no plans, but that means there’s no chance of failure. I am looking forward to this week as my training is almost over. I have one training day on Wednesday, but then I get to do some real work. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

Kei and Jørn's Song

Here's a song I made for me and Kei. Hope you all enjoy it!