Question me... please!

Questions. Annoying repeating questions. I know you all have gotten those. When you get a question like "Are you sure you can do it?" every week, and you always answer "Yes, of course" because you know you can do it. It can hurt and irritate, because you feel like you are not really trusted. Well I got one of those annoying repeating questions again this week and I felt that loss of trust and it hurt me. Well to be honest, it was my ego that got hurt. But during the conversation I discovered something. I didn't want to argue, so instead I observed myself saying and doing these things. Not really participating, just letting it play out.

Now I saw what an effect it had on me of someone asks the wrong question. What is the wrong question anyway? What this person asked me wasn't wrong at all, but it felt like that at the time. What the question did was challenge my ego, and I loved that. Isn't that the way we learn? If you are never questioned or challenged in any way, do you really move at all? I am eternally thankful to this person because once again my ego was driven out from it's hiding place. If I don't get questions like this, I will never really learn.

I think this person misunderstood that, and was confused by my thankfulness. It wasn't sarcastic at all when I thanked you. You opened my eyes as you have done before. How can I not be thankful for that? This person might be afraid to ask me anything in the future. Please continue to ask me and challenge me, I really need that. I know you are afraid to hurt me, but you can never really hurt me, only my ego, and if the ego never gets hurt, it will continue to bother me.

Terima kasih.

The EGO

What the ego wants, the ego gets. Isn't that right? But isn't that a good thing? I think ego is something we all have and will always have, but egocentric is the real culprit. What happens in our brain whenever we want something and something gets in the way, like a person? It could be very bad. I know people who have lost their best friends and lovers because of that. We learn best from our own mistakes, right? I have always thought that, but I keep on repeating them.

I have never paid much attention to the ego, pretty much letting it run wild whenever it wants. Today my eyes opened a little and I see the ramifications of my own actions. I can be so stubborn and selfish sometimes, and I thought it was just part of my past. Thought I had grown as a person, but the old me still comes back like he owns the place. Don't worry, I don't have a split personality I think. It's just that in hindsight it feels like it's not me doing it, like it's a person I don't want to be. Loving yourself is a good thing, but it is not a free pass to be egoistic. It’s more like taking good care of yourself spiritually, emotionally and physically so you can be in a better situation to take care and to love your significant other, family and friends.

You know, seeing what it can do scares me. If I let it, I can easily lose everyone I love. That's when my biggest fear comes in. To lose someone I love. So that fear can be a good thing, because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. I don't want to lose people I love, I will fight hard for that to happen, and to do that I have to battle my egocentric side. Spider-Man had it easy with his dark side Venom. I am ready to face it now, because someone I love very much has opened my eyes. Thank you! I will study it, I will learn it, I will be the master of the ego, not the other way around.