Committed

I really don’t know what to write about today. I’m sure I will think of something to tell while I write this. I spoke to my buddy Knut today. He’s currently in Xi’an in China teaching English. Me and him used to work together in Ireland, but we haven’t had much time to talk recently. I’ve noticed that I haven’t been able to keep close contact with my real-life friends for more than maybe a year or so. Of course, maybe if I hadn’t moved around so much in recent years, then maybe I would have kept them closer. I wonder if my online friends will outlast my real life friends? Some of my real-life friends have now become my online friends. It’s kind of funny how much closer I am to my online friends than real-life friends; maybe it’s just a phase.

Tomorrow Kei will leave for Thailand for a vacation and I will leave for England to work on Sunday. Our picture project will continue in our respective countries though. It will just be new places, but we’ll stay the same, committed to each other. Just hope the cell phones work in these countries so we can text each other. I don’t know what my internet situation will be when I get to England, but I hope it’s immediately available. I wish to keep on blogging on a daily basis.

I have nothing more to write, really.

I will be judged and criticized…

…for what I am doing now. Some people have recently been overly critical of my behavior, but most have been very happy for me. The thing I am talking about is my new relationship with Kei. The thing I am attacked for is that it’s so quickly after Amy. Well I am not master of all things, I am real and I listen to my heart and my emotions. Sometimes it gets me into trouble, but it is who I am. I won’t apologize for being me, for having feelings. I know I am not a bad person.

The thing with Amy is that for me, it ended in the beginning of December. I remember crying a lot and asking why it happened. It was like a real break up. I mentally prepared for it, because I knew it was coming. I have been discussing it with a lot of people and they all say it wasn’t really love what we had, but an infatuation and obsession. We came to the point that we would rather die than be apart, and I know that was wrong and dangerous. I lost control. I’m sorry I’m not perfect, I’m sorry for being human. So judge and criticize me all you want, it won’t change who I am and it certainly won’t affect my situation because I see a long term future with this girl.

Now for the part you all want to hear ;). Her name is Kemala, she is 26 and Indonesian. We have been talking on and off for a while and in the last couple of days we have told each other what we really feel. We share the same passions, dreams and interests and the “connection” as I like to call it in lack of better words. She runs her own event planning, programs for TV business. Yes, it’s another long distance relationship. I can only imagine what you reading this must be thinking. “Not again! Don’t you ever learn?” Well I am not in a position to decide who I fall for, at least not emotionally.

So I am officially in a relationship, not single anymore, and I plan to stay that way thank you very much! Besides, I do have some experience in long distance relationship, and I know it can work as long as we both care for each other enough. I am of course afraid that I will be hurt again, but I put that aside and trust this girl 100%. When I go into a relationship I am 100% committed to it, and I don’t want it any other way. I will follow my heart and I believe it will lead me to happiness. It will be hard. I just got a new job and I’m moving to England, but we plan to meet, maybe already this year if possible.

So there you have it. This is me, and that’s the way it gonna be :).